Our guest: Stephen Loyd, MD, Chief Medical Officer at Cedar Recovery
In this powerful episode, we sit down with Dr. Stephen Loyd, whose journey from active addiction to recovery has become a beacon of hope in healthcare. Twenty years into his recovery, Dr. Loyd candidly shares his personal story of substance use disorder during his medical residency and the pivotal moment that led to his confession and transformation.
From struggling in silence to becoming a prominent voice in addiction medicine and policy reform, Dr. Loyd offers unique insights into why healthcare professionals often go unnoticed in their struggle with substance use. He addresses the critical questions of how to recognize warning signs, approach colleagues with concern, and create meaningful change in healthcare systems.
This conversation goes beyond the typical recovery narrative, diving deep into practical strategies for intervention, the consequences of coming forward, and the path to rebuilding a medical career. Dr. Loyd’s transformation from practicing internal medicine to becoming a leading advocate for policy change demonstrates how personal challenges can evolve into powerful forces for systemic improvement.
Join us for this honest, enlightening discussion about addiction in healthcare, the importance of early intervention, and the ongoing journey of recovery. Whether you’re a healthcare professional, someone in recovery, or interested in understanding substance use disorder better, this episode offers valuable insights and hope.
Transcript
Terri
Welcome back, listeners, to Drug Diversion Insights. I am so looking forward to this podcast. Today. My guest is Dr. Steven Lloyd. Fifteen years ago, when I first entered the world of diversion mitigation and monitoring, I was asked to present during Patient Safety Week on a pharmacy related topic that impacted patient safety at the hospital where I was employed. I spoke on, guess what, drug diversion. My goal was to educate all the staff, present that substance use disorder happens to healthcare professionals and we all have an obligation to be aware of that fact and to protect our patients from it. In my presentation, I spoke of real cases that I had read about in the media. I wanted to names and make people come alive for the listeners. Well, Dr. Lloyd was one of those cases that I presented.
Terri
I’m going to let you tell your story today, Steve, and welcome to the podcast. And so let’s start by telling us your story. Start at the beginning. If I recall, it was residency that was the main focus of your story, but I’m guessing it earlier than that.
Steven Loyd
First of all, thank you for having me. And, and when you told me that I was smiling because I never think of myself being presented as a case. But, but it is. And so I’m glad that you ran across it and it brought us together. And you’re right, it didn’t start then. I had, I had grown up in northeast Tennessee, rural Appalachia, a little town called Jonesboro, quite picturesque by the way. And I came out of a place where, you know, a family that was riddled with substance use and mental health issues, basically in my family tree. And then, and then childhood trauma. I’m a survivor of both physical and sexual abuse and not, you know, those aren’t excuses. It’s just, you know, is what it is.
Steven Loyd
And had no idea of those things being risk factors for substance use disorder, which, those are actually the two biggest. And so I was never successful drinker. You know, I wasn’t a, you know, drinking my hand all day type guy. But, you know, through high school and college, when I drank and, you know, and I would go long periods of time where I didn’t. And so I knew that. I always knew that there was a little bit of an issue there because I didn’t drink like other people. And when I got to medical school, the most impressive bunch of people I’d ever met in my life or my classmates still are, and I love them to this day. And our second day of med school, they elected me their class president.
Steven Loyd
And I couldn’t let him see me drink because I did not want to. You know, I did not want to embarrass them. And so I didn’t drink for four years. And that’s kind of looking back on it, realizing the importance of community relationships and support systems, because I just put it down. And then graduation happened, and they kind of went to the four corners of the earth for residency, and, you know, we got about our lives as young physicians and. And within a month, I was back drinking intermittently again. And about a year before I picked up the pills and. And was on my way home from work one day. My last year of residency, you know, four years of med school, three years of residency.
Steven Loyd
So I was the chief resident in the last six months of training and didn’t like my life very much. Right. A lot of stress. I thought I was anxious, depressed, and didn’t like my wife very much. I’m still married to her, by the way. Problem wasn’t her, as you might have guessed. And, you know, kids, young kids, and nervous about, you know, coming out of the protective environment of residency and stopped at a red light on the way home from work one day and flipped up in the glove compartment, my truck, and there were some Norcos in there. Hydrocodone, acetaminophen. People know him as Vicodin. And, you know, I had this conscious thought that, you know, my patients take these things all the time. I swear that happened.
Steven Loyd
And I reached in, pulled it out, it got it from a dental visit, broke them in half, took 2 1/2 milligrams of hydrocodone, and by the time I got home, you know, my job was better, my anxiety felt better. I wasn’t depressed. My kids are better behaved, and I, like my wife, you know, a heck of a drive home. You know, I had no idea at the time that the area of the brain interprets pain, doesn’t separate physical from emotional pain that I’ve been carrying around for a long time. And so I went on a run from there for about three and a half years, almost four years, and went from that two and a half milligrams of hydrocodone to about 500 milligrams of OxyContin and 8 milligrams of Xanax a day. Nearly took my life. Yeah, absolutely.
Steven Loyd
You know, the weird thing was, is that when I started that I had no idea that this little thing, right, that came from a dentist. And when the dentist. Fault, by the way, I’m not. Not, you know, casting shadow there at all. I had no idea that it would be something that I did not think I could live without. I knew a tiny bit about addiction. We’re not taught hardly anything about it in medical school or residency, which I find ironic. But, you know, just no clue that, hey, just in a very short period of time, you’re going to require so much of this, you’re going to have a hard time getting it, and if you try to stop taking it, you can’t. And I just didn’t have any concept of that.
Terri
Yeah, you touched on a couple of things. One, the risk factors for substance use disorder. I mean, that should be taught in medical school as well, because as you’re prescribing for patients, let alone your own history. That would be good to know. Right? And I think. I mean, so many times I have heard the message that you recognized that you were unhappy and anxiety and depression and all that kind of stuff. But I’ve also heard from other people that didn’t recognize that they had this level of it. But the first time they were exposed to an opioid, it was like, whoa, my world is different. And that is a message that I would like to see get out there so that, you know, if you’re one of those people and this is the, you know, you.
Terri
You think that this could never happen to you, right? But then you take something and then you have that feeling. That’s when you should be like, oh, I. I need help now. Like, let me, like, tell somebody before this becomes something that you are ashamed to tell and don’t want to mention it. Right. Because now it has destroyed your life. So I wish we could get that message out.
Steven Loyd
Well, it’s. It’s. It’s the message, really, I’ve been. Been working on for, you know, a little over 20 years now as I started to learn about addiction and treatment. And treatment is a really fancy word for. For rehab. You know, I was a professor at a medical school. I was so lucky because my boss, the dean of my medical school, Ron Franks, who I love to this day was an addiction psychiatrist. I mean, you talk about a. A fortunate. A fortunate set of circumstances. That’s, you know, and he didn’t fire me, and. And he got me help. And as I learned about addiction, I really knew what I wanted to do in medicine. And I remember sitting there one day still.
Steven Loyd
Still in rehab, and I thought, you know, if I can do this, and if I come out on the other side of it, I know what I want to do for the rest of my life. And. And I had that thought within the first two weeks. And like I said, a little over 20 years ago, almost. Almost 20 and a half years now, and. And I have followed through on that. Prescriber education has become a really important thing for me because I didn’t run a pill mill. I didn’t prescribe a bunch of pills to people. I was using them myself. And the truth is I didn’t understand anything about the risk for my patients. And so I took a class at. Luckily, I, you know, live in the state of Tennessee, and Vanderbilt University is here.
Steven Loyd
They have a class on proper prescribing controlled substances. So we actually do teach our doctors and nurse practitioners and physicians assistants about it, but we teach them about it after they get in trouble. And I just think that is the most asinine thing ever. But I remember, you know, taking that class and going, wow, you know, how come weren’t taught this in medical school and residency? And the guy who put the program together is now deceased, but he’s on my medical Mount Rushmore. His name is Andy Spickard. And Andy told me when I was leaving there, I was the only person there not sent by my state medical board because I didn’t get trouble, wanted to learn. And he says, Steve, he said, you’re still a. You’re still a professor back in East Tennessee. He said, go teach this to the kids.
Steven Loyd
And I did, and also made a career out of it. I became an expert witness in. In federal drug cases against doctors running pill mills and have worked over 25 of those now in the last 20 years. And so, you know, used it. Used what I learned to. To stop bad people from doing bad things, because these are criminals. And also I become a much better doctor myself in realizing risk factors and then helping other pres.
Terri
Right, right. Okay. How did you. As. As it progressed, how did you get your hands on more? Did you just write your own prescriptions?
Steven Loyd
No, you know, I never. I never wrote my own prescriptions. And frankly, that question scared the heck out of me, because when I got to rehab, I realized the premise of it was two things. We’re gonna. We’re gonna tell the truth, and we’re going to be comfortable with confrontations. And I almost ran. You know, I would have run. I wasn’t going to do either one of those two things. And so I knew I was going to have to come clean about it. And one of the. One of the tenets is that we’re going to get honest in all of our affairs. And I remember sitting there thinking, most of them, I added the word most. And so I realized with time though that, you know, that the only way to get better was to own everything, even the difficult things. And so I did.
Steven Loyd
You got to keep in mind I wasn’t in trouble. I didn’t get sent to treatment by the DEA or my state medical boards. I self reported my dad confronted me and I knew I was hurting and I knew I was dying. And so I just became willing. I didn’t care if I lost my license because it wasn’t going to do me any good if I was dead. And so, you know, coming to that realization is a really big thing. But you know how I got them at first out of people’s medicine cabinets. So it’s one of the things I always talk about when I’m doing diversion talks. You know, Doctors write you 90 and you need 10. Why do they write you 90 when you need 10? Well, so you won’t call back.
Steven Loyd
So we have to get honest about that and realizing things go in people’s medicine cabinets and from the medicine cabinets they leave. If you think people don’t go through your medicine cabinet when they come over to visit, you’re living in a dream world. And, and so, you know, that was the initial source, but it got so big that I had, I eventually had to go to the street. And that’s one of the things, you know, if I ever get frozen in my own shoes now that one’s the one that scares me because that was 2000, 2001, 2002, fentanyl wasn’t around.
Terri
Yeah, Very dangerous now.
Steven Loyd
Yeah, yeah. So, so what I was getting off the street was real, you know, coming out of a pharmacy and I had, somebody asked me not long ago, you know, hey, Steve, if you had been like this back, you know, if they’d had fentanyl back then, what do you think? And I said, I think I would have died.
Terri
Yeah.
Steven Loyd
And, and that scares me. But I’ll tell you another source. You know, people don’t realize that 70% of the people who get started on prescription opioids don’t get them from a doctor. They get them free from friends or family. And so drug take back programs are very effective in stopping that initial use. And then, you know, and then my buddies, right. I mean, all my buddies were doctors and they knew me and it’s like, oh, well, there’s no way Steve would have a problem here. And, and you know, we’re not supposed to regret the past. I’d like to change that one. That one I think about, because my friends were. Really thought they were helping me, and I took advantage of that situation, and I’d like to have that one back. Although they’re. They’re great. They’ve been supportive of me, as you know.
Steven Loyd
I mean, you know how people are. Good. They really are. And. But I’d like to take that one back, but those are my sources, because I was using 100 pills a day.
Terri
Yeah, that’s a lot. That’s a lot to get your hands on. You need to make a lot of new friends and get into their medicine cabinets if you were doing that.
Steven Loyd
You know, it’s. It’s weird. It is a lot to think about, but it really, you know, it wasn’t difficult. But the problem was that people don’t realize this doesn’t take a break. So when I get up every morning before I go to bed that night, I need 100 pills, and I got to do that every day. And if I go on vacation, it doesn’t take a break. I need 700. Right. And so people get on me now about how much I work and what all I’m into, and I kind of laugh because I feel like I got all kinds of time. All right. Because I’m not preoccupied with. You bet.
Terri
Yeah.
Steven Loyd
You bet.
Terri
Yeah, definitely. So you talk about, you know, your friends helped you with. You know, they thought they were helping you. Were there signs that they should have seen or if they didn’t work with you directly, the people who did work with you directly, should they have seen either a change or maybe you out of the gate, you were that way. Since it started at the end of your residency. What did people miss?
Steven Loyd
Well, when I say this, I don’t want it to be, you know, casting blame on them for missing things. I mean, I’ll make that clear. This is clearly me and clearly, you know, on me. But, yes, you know, when I do this now, because I kind of do some of the things that you used to do, and when I’m educating folks, companies, like large companies, you know, that I get in front of and try to help them with employee assistance, my standard go to line is this. When you’re sitting there as an employer and it crosses your mind that your employer is just not the same person they used to be. When that.
Steven Loyd
When that thought crosses your mind at somewhere in your planning process, you need to ask about underlying mental health or substance use issues, because I’m telling you that’s Going to be the most likely cause, and it’s not always going to be the cause. You and I both know that. But. But you have to ask about it. So there were a lot of things, you know, my nurses, who I love to this day, would bring stuff back before me. I would miss stuff. Right. That I didn’t normally miss at the end, but because I never was one of those people in the hospital that was a, that was a horse’s rear end, if you know what I mean. Right. I didn’t, I didn’t. I didn’t yell. I didn’t throw scalpels. That wasn’t me. What you. This is actually, I was still like this.
Steven Loyd
And, and so what they wound up doing was making excuses for me. Oh, he’s tired, he’s working a lot. He’s got multiple jobs because he’s trying to pay back his med school loans. And, and I got behind on my doc, and that was really the big one because I don’t leave until my documentation is done. Mainly not because I’m, you know, a goody two shoes. I can’t remember what I did.
Terri
Sure.
Steven Loyd
And so I would never leave until all my dictations were done. I’m going to date myself talking about a dictation. But at any rate, you know, I never left. And those things started to pile up and I would get weeks behind when I would never get even a patient behind. And I started having erratic work schedule, canceling clinics, moving things, and then at the very end, being involved in administrative war. You know, just everything was everybody else’s fault. And, you know, they’re treating me this way and, and I really, you know, I really started to go downhill. But luckily, you know, my dad intervened pretty quickly. But there were a lot of things that folks, you know, looking back would tell you they should have seen.
Terri
Yeah. Did they. Had. Have you talked to any of them post the fact of you know, asking for help, where they said, yeah, I knew something was going on, but I didn’t want to think about it or I didn’t want to confront you, or I didn’t know how to confront you. Did anyone say any of those types of things?
Steven Loyd
Almost all of them. You know, they were, they were so supportive. I mean, it’s really. I’ll get emotional thinking about it because they were so supportive of me because I was sure that, you know, I was sure that I was done, and they were just wonderful. But, yeah, we’ve talked about it. A lot, matter of fact. I mean, I told you, it’s been over 20 years. I did a talk for the school board association here in Nashville. Oh, when was it? About three weeks ago. So I had every school board member in the state of Tennessee. There are about. About a thousand of them. And in the audience was a school board member who. From my home county who coached baseball with me when our kids were smaller. And he had never heard the full story.
Steven Loyd
And were walking to the car afterwards, and he put his arm around me, and he was almost crying. He said, steve, he said, me and J.P. J.P. Was the other guy who coached with. He said, me and JP Saw stuff. And he said, we knew. And he said, we just didn’t say anything. And I told, his name is Todd. I said, todd, that’s not on you. I said, not on you at all. And he said, you know, we didn’t want to hurt your career. And this is kind of how the conversation goes from that end. We didn’t want to hurt your career. We thought that were, you know, be outside of our bounds and those type of things.
Steven Loyd
And so you got to realize there’s a power differential there as well, you know, particularly for my employees, because I’m the physician and I drive the practice, and I’ve got to be okay for the practice to be okay. And so therefore, I’m okay. And that’s where some denial comes in. But, no, we’ve had multiple of those conversations. So ironic you mentioned that, because that one was more than 20 years ago, and that just happened three weeks ago.
Terri
Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, let’s talk about that. So you’re right. The power differential with a physician, that changes the entire dynamic. How. How do you teach people and recommend, you know, if there is that power differential? Obviously, I mean, well, unless you’re in a private practice, the physician has somebody above them that, you know, they can go to in a hospital setting, of course. But if there isn’t that power differential, it’s a nurse or a pharmacist or somebody else that you suspect. How do you recommend to people? What do you say to them? If you are concerned that you think something’s you, something’s going on, you. You know, you may not want to go straight to substance use disorder, but how should they confront that person?
Steven Loyd
This is the weirdest thing, because if you ever told me that I would do this in my life, I would say that you’ve lost your mind because it made me so uncomfortable and because it could be something else. Right. There’s Medical issues, there’s private issues, family issues, there’s a lot of things. And you never want, I never want to come across as accusatory or judgmental. And I will tell. First of all, I’ll tell you what doesn’t work. Getting somebody in a room and having everybody write down how that person has made their life a living hell and what a rotten piece of crap they are, and reading it to them, that doesn’t work. It makes for great tv. But if you watch the end of those TV shows, most of the time those people just leave. And, and that doesn’t work for me.
Steven Loyd
What has worked is kind of a little bit like you and I are right here, right now, and I’ll just approach you and think, you know, hey, I got no idea what’s going on, but I got some things I’d like to talk to you about. And, and I want to make sure you’re okay, because some of the things I see right now don’t look like the person that I used to know. And I got no idea what it is. You know, it may be nothing. It may be, you know, didn’t. Hadn’t slept well lately. But, you know, is there anything at all going on that. That you may need help with? And that’s how I always approach it.
Steven Loyd
And I tell people all the time, you know, particularly when I’m in front of companies and I do a work with this huge law firm that does employment work, all in all different sorts of industries. Last time I did something for them was the airline industry out in Denver. And, you know, I have a huge problem with this with flight attendants and pilots, right? And, and there’s high stakes there, right? Particularly if you’re talking about a pilot. And you’ve got to be a little more aggressive in those situations. But, but in this situation, it’s just about giving them an avenue. And, you know, people are basically two varieties.
Steven Loyd
There’s the bright light variety, and that was me, you know, when my dad confronted me, I mean, I felt like a guy was out in the middle of the ocean drowning and all of a sud boat showed up and slung me a life preserver and I grabbed it and I cried and thought my life was over, but gosh, I was so glad somebody knew. I mean, just relieved. So that’s a bright light variety. Others are what I call the slow drip variety. And so they may have that go on that day and say, no, Steve, everything’s fine. And, okay, I just want you to know I’m here and I’ve got some experience with this myself, and sometimes I’ll share my own stuff and it’s out there so much. A lot of them know it anyway, to let them know that it’s possible.
Steven Loyd
I used to didn’t think that recovery was possible. I never saw anybody, you know, stop drinking or stop using drugs. I saw them all die or, you know, their family kick them out or whatever. I didn’t see anybody get better. And so I let them know that’s possible. And, and then, you know, if you ever need help or decide you want to talk about it, I’m here. And that’s basically what we can do. We like to think we’re in a whole lot more control than we really are, and we’re not. Now, if you’re in a hospital setting or that pilot setting, well, you got some leverage there. Right. And you’re looking at the potential to do harm to multiple other people. That’s a different scenario. But in the scenarios we’re talking about, this is the approach I use.
Terri
Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Well, and for peers, you know, I mean, some are, they’re hesitant to say anything because they don’t know. So they may want to start with that one one interaction before they go to their supervisor. I was talking to some colleagues just the other day, and one of them was sharing how they had a case at their hospital and come to find out, like five peers had told the supervisor, and this had been going on for quite some time, and the supervisor did nothing about it. And, you know, our response to that was, do you know how hard it is for a peer to come to the supervisor if they’re telling you, and it’s that many that are telling you know, how long they’ve been thinking about this and talking about it amongst each other. Right.
Terri
So, you know, could one of them. Did one of them, I don’t know, approach the person and express that concern and, you know, as a peer to peer, would you recommend that after that first approach and they, you know, turn you away? No, I don’t have a problem. Okay, I’m here. Would you try again?
Steven Loyd
Oh, absolutely. No, no, absolutely. I’ve had the. And I’ve done it. And it’s really strange because. And how people re. I tell folks this all the time. Sometimes they react very violently, you know, and yell and in denial and. And I always kind of smile underneath because it doesn’t bother me. Well, you know, some of it bothers me, but I know what the. I know what. I know what’s behind it. And I tell my buddies, I said, you know, somebody cussed me out today that we’re going to wind up being really good friends. And. And I have to keep that in mind. But, no, I’ve been back. You know, I. I have said, oh, you know, here’s where I leave it, right? I’m here. This is what I see. This has been my experience, and I will help you no matter what.
Steven Loyd
That is true. And the people who know me know that’s true. And then, you know, and then we go on for a little while, and everything’s okay. Because sometimes when you’re in the throes of addiction or substance use, you’re scared when the heat’s on, but then when the heat gets off, suddenly you don’t have a problem, right? And so those interim periods there, then I tell people all the time, I hope I’m wrong. Golly, I hope I’m wrong. I hope you come for me 20 years from now. Go, Steve. You were dead wrong. I’m so glad. Okay? But here’s what I see. And so I’ve been back multiple times. And now if it’s. If. If it’s an instance where somebody has the ability to inflict harm on others on a scale, that is a different scenario, right?
Steven Loyd
If I’m talking to a cardiothoracic surgeon, for instance, that’s going to be a little bit different, all right? But. But from peer to peer, it’s that I have been back multiple times and never judgment. I mean, when we get into the judgmental business, that’s when we start to lose people. And you got to remember, there’s the stigma that goes with addiction. There’s the fear of, I’m going to lose this, I’m going to lose that. And so I have to understand that when I’m talking to people, well, you lied to me. Well, I kind of expected that because of denial. I have got to do this or I lose this. And so I try to keep those things in my mind. And I’ve been back multiple times. Times. But I’ll tell you, my experience has been when.
Steven Loyd
When I’ve been back multiple times, usually, you know, the second or third time, I’m. I’m like, you know, this is consistent. And. And this is the rail that I see you on. And my experience has shown me that if this continues, here are some things that can happen, and. And sometimes that’ll do it. And then Other times, those things actually have to happen. And they come to me when they’re, you know, when they’re. They’re, you know, in a. In a bond.
Terri
Right, right. Yeah. And that’s something that. Those of us that haven’t been there, it’s. We know that when you’re in that moment, there’s a lot going through your mind, and we can, you know, kind of list some things that we would imagine would be going through your mind, but we can’t quite grasp that. So let’s talk about that. You know, when you were confronted by your dad, there must have. I mean, you’re looking at your whole future, your life. Life, you know, swirling in front of you. What is going through your mind? What did. When you finally confess that, yes, I have a problem, and you decided to admit that and then get some help and do something about it?
Steven Loyd
Well, dad. Dad showed up at my house after. After an event. He saw me take a bunch of pills. And so the next. The next day when I got home from work, his truck was sitting in my driveway. And as I was driving up. Because I live on a hill, and as I was driving up my driveway, I knew what he was there for. I mean, I knew it. And.
Terri
And you knew that he had seen you the day before?
Steven Loyd
Yeah, yeah. He saw me take him. And literally, he was right beside of me, and. And I took 15 of them at one time. I mean, 15 Percocet. I mean, that’s a lot. 150 milligrams, all in one swoop. And he. He said, steve, he said, did you just take a handful of pills? And I looked at him. I swear to God, I said no. And he just saw me, right? I mean, and so he. He. You know, I look at it and laugh now, but it’s sad, you know, right? Really sad, because dad would have helped me right then. You know, he would have. I just couldn’t let him. I couldn’t let him see me like that. But he put me in his truck, and we’re going to see my sister, and.
Steven Loyd
And we’re driving up the road, and he said, steve, he said, do you have a drug problem? I said, no, Daddy, I don’t. I said, I’m. I’m working a lot, you know, I was trying to pay back my med school loans. I was taking call, you know, one out of every three nights where you don’t sleep, you know, and. And I said, I’m just worn out. He put his hand over on my knee and he said, steve, you have A drug problem. And he was crying. And that was not a question, that was a statement. And I said, yeah, Daddy, I do. And what was going through my mind right then was this. And I actually told him, I voiced it.
Steven Loyd
I said, dad, I’m going to lose my medical license, I’m going to lose my house, I’m going to lose my wife, I’m going to lose my kids. I’m going to lose everything that I’ve worked my entire life for. And he didn’t tell me I wasn’t going to because I didn’t know. And he said, yeah, he said, but none of that stuff’s going to do you any good if you’re dead. And I, I didn’t have a comeback for that. And it’s been, you know, 20 plus years and I don’t have a comeback for that right now. And, and so almost immediately, despite the tears and everything I had going on, I felt just a tremendous sense of relief that somebody else knew.
Terri
Yeah.
Steven Loyd
And it was, I mean, it’s really one of. Well, that, you know, you and I both know this. That was, that was a gift.
Terri
Yeah. Doesn’t necessarily feel like it at the time, but it is because it’s the beginning. It’s the beginning of that recovery piece. Yeah.
Steven Loyd
Yeah. It, that moment for me was the first time in four years that I had any hope. And I look back on it because, you know, sometimes I tell this story and there’s people around and right now it’s quiet and it’s just me and you. And, you know, that’s a, that is a life changing moment, that moment right there. You know, I didn’t tell him. I didn’t deny it anymore. I felt relief. And, and then now, you know, there’s a lot of hard work ahead, a ton of hard work ahead. But that was really the key.
Terri
Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it said before. And when we talked previously, you mentioned this as well, that work is the last place that you will see the signs exhibited. So my question for you then is, you know, if somebody doesn’t have a relationship with them outside of work. Work, are there things that we could do? I mean, do we just have to wait then, until it escalates to that point? Or maybe the message is just that if you’re seeing things at work, it’s probably really progressed.
Steven Loyd
Yeah, that’s really the message. Because, you know, the truth is even. Even without substances, we don’t know what goes on in people’s lives. You know, we don’t because we’re guarded. You know, I had a, you know, my counselor that I love to this day, Chip Dodd tells me, says, Steve, if you’re a failure inside the walls of your own house, you’re a failure. And, and we don’t want people to know that. So it’s very difficult to penetrate what goes on behind closed doors. So my message to employers are, is if you see things at work, this is down the stream some. Okay. This didn’t just start yesterday. This isn’t because they woke up on the wrong side of the bed or trouble at school. Okay. If you’re seeing things at work, this has progressed because it’s the thing we hold on to is work.
Steven Loyd
And, and there were so many things that happened in my private life that if they’d happened at work, somebody would have intervened a long time ago. But, but work was the last place that it shows up. So I don’t know how to do that. You know, you get into this thing is, you know, can families speak up? Would a family seek out an employer to help them? Not likely, because they’re afraid of their livelihood. And it’s like employee assistance programs. And I told you about this, I love EAP programs. I don’t think people utilize them because I don’t think they trust the fact that their employer is not driving it and will know what’s going on. And I think those are very difficult things to overcome because it’s your livelihood, it’s how you provide for yourself and your family. It’s difficult.
Terri
Very true. Yeah, that makes sense. All right, what were the consequences for you once you admitted that you had a problem, it affected, I mean, you went into treatment, but you had mentioned you weren’t caught. So from a licensing perspective, were there any consequences? No. Okay.
Steven Loyd
You know, unfortunate for me. I lived in the state of Tennessee and we have one of the strongest physicians health programs and one of the most respected physicians health programs in the country. And, and so, you know, I self reported I got world class help. It’s, it’s really, it’s really kind of neat, you know, neat way to close the circle. But five years ago I got appointed to the Tennessee Board of Medical Examiners. And you know, I should be in front of the Tennessee Medical Board, not on it. And, and you know, they didn’t know, you know, they, those of them that knew me. Right. And not everybody on the Board knew me. Those of them that knew me knew because I’ve talked about it publicly for a long time, but I didn’t have any disc record. I did not get in trouble.
Steven Loyd
I did not get decredential from my insurance companies. The dean of my medical school, Dr. Franks, and the president of my university, Dr. Paul Stanton, never fired me. I got paid every day I was gone. And these things for me were blessings and gifts that I do not take for granted because most people don’t go that route. My consequences were for me were mainly family relationship things, fences I had to mend. And some of those fences you don’t mend by saying I’m sorry. Some of those fences you mend by living your life differently from now on. And so, you know, I had those things probably from a career standpoint. You know, I just didn’t have very much within two years of getting help.
Steven Loyd
I was on the academic track back then because I wanted to be, you know, I wanted to be the dean of our med school. But, but, you know, I was a. I was an associate program director for the residents. And within four years I was director of the residency program. So I was over, you know, all the different ologies, gastroenterology, cardiology, you name them. I was over all that. I later went on to become the chief of medicine, the chief of our hospital. You know, I. I just did not have those consequences. You know, when I had to talk about, you know, the things around, you know, prescribing medication and some of the things I did, you know, I had to tell some people that could have thrown me in jail what I’d done. And, you know, I wound up working for him.
Steven Loyd
I still work for him today. You know, the DEA of the United States, the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation, the Commonwealth of Virginia and Kentucky that I have worked drug cases for. Really, I don’t think you could draw up really how my life has been. So I didn’t have those consequences. The consequences for me were this. I went to bed half the nights during that time praying I wouldn’t die, and the other half praying I would. And people said, well, you didn’t have a very low bottom. Well, I don’t know how you define low bottom. Did I go to jail? No. Did I get in legal trouble? No. Did I lose my job? No. Did I alienate my family? Yes. Did I lose trust, you know, from my kids and those closest to me? Yes. Did I hurt my friends? Yes.
Steven Loyd
I did all those things. And I got very scared of losing my own life. And so I had, for me, I had the consequences that I needed to get me where I needed to be.
Terri
Right. So that worked for you. Definitely. I mean, you know, you’ve been sober for, I think you said, 20 years at this point, and you’re doing some really good work. What are your thoughts on. Because there are others that would feel very differently and feel that. That, you know. Well, no, you did steal. You stole from people, and you’ve got, you know, people to write prescriptions. So there are those that would be very adamant that your consequences were not enough, that you should have experienced more and should have been reported. Can you separate yourself from, you know, this. The Steve that went through it versus, you know, what. What would you have to say to those people?
Steven Loyd
They’re right.
Terri
I think you should. Okay. All right.
Steven Loyd
They’re right. I. That’s right. I went. I guess it was about. In 2014, 2015, there was a. An investigative reporter for the NBC Today Show. His name’s Jeff Rossen, called me up and heard my story, and they were doing a story on the guy who they wound up doing a miniseries on called Dr. Death. Death. And it was a very popular, you know, very popular miniseries. But it was. He was a surgeon in Texas who, a neurosurgeon who had maimed people while under the influence. And, and Today show was going after him, and they wanted a doctor to talk about their own addiction. And I did that live on camera, and I told the truth. And, and he asked me at the end, he says, you know, what if there are people out there that you’ve harmed? There’s accountability for that.
Steven Loyd
And the people who say that are right. You know, I, I got, I’m a doctor, and I think I had advantages that other people don’t have. And so I certainly see how they feel that way. I’m not sure what they want me to do, that they want me to fall on the sword or whatever, and if, you know, if that’ll make you feel better. But. But they’re right.
Terri
Yeah. Well, as I said, it worked for you. You know, the consequences and your own drive to. So you came out of it on the other side doing a lot of great things and using your story to really make a difference. So that part is definitely good. What, so what are you involved in now? You’re doing some advocacy work, policy changes. You’ve mentioned some of that throughout this podcast. So tell us a little bit about what you are doing.
Steven Loyd
Well, the mission and the goal. Every morning it never changes, is to help as many people find recovery as possible. That’s it. I really don’t live by any other credo other than that. And that’s taken me a lot of different places. I have more jobs than normal human beings, I guess. I guess the unofficial title is the drug czar, but the director of the Office of Drug Control Policy for the great state of West Virginia, which I have thoroughly enjoyed, the sense of community and in a state that has an. Absolutely devastated by this is really amazing. And so I love that work. You know, I’m the president of Tennessee Medical Board. I got elected president at our last meeting. I chair the Opiate Abatement Council for the state of Tennessee.
Steven Loyd
So we’ve got about $1.2 billion over the next 18 years, now 17, to abate the opioid crisis from the lawsuits. And so I chair that council here in Tennessee. We’ve got a meeting a week from tomorrow. I, I still do work. I was an expert in the opioid settlement cases that brought this money to individual states. So I worked for the lawyers who went after industry, both the pharmaceutical industry, distributors, manufacturers and individual pharmacies and physicians. And I still do that work because those, there are still parts of those cases that are ongoing. I still serve as an expert witness for the federal government in cases against doctors for improperly prescribing controlled substances. And I’ve done that for almost 20 years now. And you know, the thing that I probably do more than any other is try to give a voice to addiction.
Steven Loyd
I have been fortunate. I had MD after my name. I got world class treatment because I cost too much to kick to the curb. And my advocacy work is around giving access to everyone that I had access to. I got help with trauma that I would have never touched. I would have never touched those things. And I want to do my best before I check out of this world to make a difference and help people out there who are victims of that, who went down this road, who don’t have the resources I did. And so the goal is to establish a system of care that makes that accessible. So other than that, I don’t do very much. I, I don’t have hobbies. I, I don’t play golf. I don’t, I don’t fish. I probably need some hobbies. I love college football.
Steven Loyd
But if you can’t find me, it’s not because I’m doing those things. This is what I do. And I know this will sound Weird or maybe even trite, but I feel like this was the path in medicine that I was supposed to do.
Terri
Yeah. Okay. Well, you’re certainly doing a lot with it in your experience. And it’s nice when you see somebody that, you know goes through hell and comes out of it doing something with what they learned. Right. That, that is the bright side. Is there over the past 20 years, are there certain things that you do to continue to stay healthy and in recovery?
Steven Loyd
Yes. Boy, I wished I could figure out which one of them were the ones I needed to do so I could trim some stuff. But you know, physicians are for the most part, when they have issues like me, they’re under a five year contract and there’s certain things they have to do with attendance at 12 step meetings in Caduceus and drug screening. And I got done with my five years more than 15 years ago, and I had never done that well in my entire life. I felt better, so I just kept doing them. I still do all those things today. About 10 years ago, I decided that it was time to start taking care of my physical self. I gained weight, I was on blood pressure medication, and I decided that the road to recovery gets more narrow the longer we go.
Steven Loyd
And so I made health and nutrition a part of my recovery. And so, you know, I lost you close to 60 pounds with exercise and nutrition changes. And I continue to do that today. I travel a ton, but my routine doesn’t change. I go to meetings when I’m on the road and at 6:15 in the morning, you will find me at whatever the nearest Orange Theory Fitness is. They’re all over the world and so I’m in there. I need to be a spokesman for them. They need to pay me. But I’m kidding. Not at all. But you know, those are the things I do. I take care of myself. You know, when it gets dark, I go to bed. I get up the same time every morning, regardless of whether or not it’s the weekend.
Steven Loyd
And I spend time on my own recovery every day. And because if I’m not healthy, I can’t help anybody else. And so I’ve changed the entire way I live my life and I still have things. I’ve had things come up. Right. I still fall short on things. My goal is to, you know, have to do fewer and fewer amends the longer I go along. So that’s the goal.
Terri
Yeah. That’s great. Well, thank you for sharing your story. I know that even after 20 years, it’s not an easy thing to talk about, I’m sure. So I appreciate that, and I appreciate the work that you’re doing and trying to reach others out there. Excuse me. To educate and to make a difference.
Steven Loyd
Thank you. And thanks for having me. It’s been an honor. And it’s weird sometimes when I do things like this, I’m. I’m not in a quiet environment, and. And I try to be a present, but there’s absolutely nobody around today, and. And it hits a little different. So thank you for that.
Terri
Yeah, absolutely. All right, you have a great rest of your day. And listeners, please hit that subscribe button so we can keep these podcasts coming, and you let me know that they’re valuable and. And we should keep going. All right. Thank you, Steve.
Steven Loyd
Thank you.
